Trapped in a 7-11

So I'm out taking my walk at Liberty Park this morning and decide that I'd love an iced coffee. I can either pay $4.00 at Beans & Brew's or $1.27 at 7-11. Being on a budget, I opt for the later. As I enter, I find Mr. T paying for his gas. Seriously, this guy's tattooed biceps are bigger than my thigh which being 2 months postpartum is reeeeaaaalllly big. I proceed in to the coffee counter pushing Azur in his little stroller and feeling really misplaced as I glance around. Various seedy characters come and go around me and believe me, I'm not one to pass judgement. I've befriended those from ever walk of life being the vagabonding artist that I have been. So, I go up to pay standing in line behind a couple of guys whose pants are about to slide right off those boxers their exposing. They pay for 3 monstrous beers with a $100.00 bill that the clerk spends 15 minutes (okay, maybe 15 is an exaggeration) trying to see the watermarks, finally the other clerk points them out to her. So I whip out my debit card for my $1.27 coffee (sorry, didn't have cash) and am ready to bolt out the door as fast as my huge postpartum thighs will carry me when the Eastern Indian clerk behind the counter says in a low, gruff voice, "Lemmme see your baby". Well, I like to show off my perfect kid and happily open the cover of the stroller and at the same time just really want to get out of there and back to the open safety of the park. "How you get baby?" she asks. In my mind I'm thinking, "Well, there's this thing called sex and..." but before I answer, she continues to tell me that she has an 8 year old daughter and wants a son, she got pregnant last year but had an accident and miscarried and she wants to get pregnant again, and "how old you are?" Her eyes get big when I tell her and she says "well I should be able to get baby too." I'm thinking she's at least 50 but come to find out that she's 30! She keeps asking questions and talking which was all very nice except for the continuous stream of more seedy characters that I just know will eventually pull out a gun that I and my perfect 2 month old baby will become casualties of. All the while, she's cleaning out her ears with a bobby pin. Sticking it in, twisting it around, and pulling it out to flick the contents on the floor, then sticking it in the other ear. Finally, I write down the words "Ovulation Predictor Kit" on a piece of paper for her and tell her to get one at a drug store and read the directions. She gives blessings to me and my "baby boy" and asks me to pray that she gets one. I wish her luck, and sincerely mean it, as I finally bolt out the door that the next grimy guy holds open for me. This one I'm sure must be a pedophile. I can't get across the street fast enough. Once safe in the park, I realize that I just experienced a very, strange 15 minutes of  life...could be a great movie scene.

 Oh and then, just as I'm about back to my car, a news film crew stops me to ask if they can ask a few questions. I politely decline as Azur has his 2 month doctor appointment today (happy birthday Azur!). I'm glad I had an excuse because with my sleep deprived mommy brain, I just know that I would have been one of those folks you see on Jay Leno who is asked something really simple like "What's the capital of Utah?" and they say, "ummmmmm...Los Angeles?" when they are being interviewed in Salt Lake City. I just couldn't bear to humiliate myself in that way.