Here's a sneak preview of my upcoming August story. Obviously, it was mostly written 4 weeks ago as Azur will be 7 weeks old tomorrow. Seven weeks already. Seven weeks without a full night sleep (well actually it's been months since I've had a full night since being pregnant the last trimester means no sleeping). Seven weeks of newborn bliss, watching little legs turn into chubby pinch-able marshmellows. As Kelli says, "Seven weeks of my life that I'll never get back again" although in this case, unlike the case of a really bad movie, I really wish I could just to revisit that sacred newness any time I wanted. I guess it's more sentimental knowing that it's the last time I'll go down this road....
Anyway, here's the next story and to read past "Babying the Buddha"s, go to the catalyst link below and search articles by moi:
I’ve returned to a distant yet familiar place of interrupted sleep; if not by a hungry baby, by a paranoid need to make sure he’s still breathing. This is a place where days and nights blend together and become about breastfeeding every 2-3 hours. During these times I’m forced to be still. Not such a bad thing to be forced to do. In these moments I get lost in the beauty of my new baby, staring at the tiny nails on his fingers and toes, and the perfection of his little features. I sit healing from being torn open (literally and figuratively) empowered by my part in the miracle of life.
A new aspect of being a mother to a newborn is to also be a mother of a four year old at the same time. There have been times where I feel as if I exist simply to fulfill the needs of others. And yet, I recognize how short and magical this exhausting time is and how important it is for each of my children to feel loved and cared for. So between feeding, comforting, and changing diapers, I try to make a conscious point of bonding with Aria. Sometimes it’s simply watching her dance and listening to her latest song or story. I miss my “dates” with her, just the two of us on our own. As time goes on, we’ll be able to schedule that time together again.
Also new to me was the beauty and love between a big sister and her newborn baby brother. To listen to her tell him all the things that she will teach him to do; talk, walk, drink from a cup, and her plans of the adventures they will take together, brings not only a smile to my face but tears to my eyes.
There’s a simple peacefulness about this time, a going inward in bliss and joy while walking through a dazed fogginess. There is a certain disconnectedness as the aspects of my former life have no congruency or completion. Every time they are started, they are interrupted and laundry sits in the dryer for days and the mail remains half opened in a pile.
As I give every ounce of energy, I still gain. I learn to surrender to what’s before me and not to expect so much from myself. I’ve been presented with an opportunity to practice patience and compassion with my family and myself on a myriad of different levels. These two beautiful children teach me (and test me) daily. I’m in constant appreciation for the truly miraculous opportunity my husband and I have been given by having them come into our lives. Most of all, I’ve been reminded that love begets love, the more you love, the more you have to give.
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